written by James Sawyer, a member of Canvas Community Church in downtown Little Rock
I remember the cool ashes crossing my forehead, the quiet of a sanctuary filled with space and promise. I was 28 the first time I fully participated in Lent and the nourishment of my soul began in that moment when a silent sanctuary and murmured words gave me the sense and comfort of my own mortality.
Growing up as a cousin to Catholic and Main-Line Christians, I was aware of Lent but was never really present for it or eager to participate. With my more evangelical background, the most I experienced the holy season was an abbreviated version of the stations of the cross, new clothes, and a basket for Easter. But when I joined the United Methodist Church, I was determined to fully participate in the rituals and movements of the liturgical season and I jumped eagerly (and unknowingly) into Lent, just as I had Advent.
So at 28, before I went to work at a department store, I stopped by Pulaski Heights UMC and wandered into the beautiful sanctuary, softly lit by candles. The pastor stood before the altar and crossing the narthex suddenly felt heavier, more meaningful than it had a few days before when I crossed a different narthex for worship. The walk to the altar became a journey and I felt a pressure and presence as I knelt and received my ashes. I felt confident in my mortality and my salvation in a new way and was determined to celebrate the rest of Lent with the same newfound dedication and sense of sacredness.
That was the moment I fell in love with Lent; the moment I opened myself up to the possibilities found within a season of holy grief and waiting and silence. I am a do-er and a person who is more comfortable telling God to get out of my way than listening for God’s will in the quiet. This is why Lent has become my favorite liturgical season; it is designed to embrace the things I lack.
During my first Lent, I gave up dating apps and took up praying. I have always prayed but only with a purpose or to accomplish something or tell God about something specific. It was never prayer to commune, to seek, or to learn. That year, I gave an hour a day specifically to sit and listen for God, to read the Bible for inspiration, and to listen for something outside myself.
That was also the year I found a church home at Canvas Community UMC, the year I found direction in my spiritual life, and the year I began to find my own purpose and calling within our connection.
Lent is still my favorite season. When I look out and see spring blooming to life, I return to the feeling of that first Lent and pray for pruning, repentance, reflection, and the gift of new life.