By Aynsley Broom
“I’m a bit of a coffee addict, and if I could spend an entire day at Starbucks or any coffee shop, it would be a good day! Movies, basketball (GO SPURS GO), and just having a fun time. I travel basically every other weekend, and it’s a good life.️”
Hi, my name is Aynsley Broom, and I’m a single girl in her mid-20s living in the Bible Belt. What you just read, above, was the short bio I have on Bumble.
Yes, even Christians are on Bumble because — let’s face it — we aren’t Rebekah waiting for Isaac to come riding in on a camel proposing to marry us in his mother’s tent.
While it seems that single men and women in the Bible had it a bit tough — from Jacob waiting 14 years to marry his true love to David’s complicated love life — it seems a lot easier than swiping left or right hoping that we find true love.
Growing up in the church, you learn about what kind of spouse you are supposed to marry, when you are supposed to marry them, and then taught how your marriage should work. What you often aren’t taught is: what happens if you don’t find that person in the allotted time that everyone thinks you should find them? (Which, by the way, the perfect time is usually seen as during college; especially if you attend a Christian college.)
Thankfully, Paul has some thoughts on people who remain single. He says, “Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But, if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” (1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
While it may be easy to look at this verse and then look at your single friends and say, “See you’re doing great! It’s a good thing to be single,” they may look at you and think, “Well, why didn’t you stay single if it’s so great?” The words and actions just don’t add up, and at times it can feel as if married Christians are held at a higher value than single Christians; though not intentionally.
Once engagement season rolls around, single Christians in the church can be flooded with the thoughts of, “What am I doing wrong?” or “Is there something in the water that I’m not getting?,” or even, “Do I really have to be married to fulfill my Christian duty?”
As a fellow single Christian, the answer is, “no,” you don’t have to be married to be someone who does good for the Lord.
You see, some people think that being single is the worst thing that could happen to a person, or maybe it’s that some, once they become single again, have been in relationships for so long that they forget the freedom of being single.
Now don’t get me wrong, I look forward to the day when I will meet my Mr. Right, but until then I do want to enjoy my singleness because there are many benefits to being a single Christian.
One of those benefits is time. You have the time to observe other Christian marriages. You have time to dedicate to more in-depth study and understanding of God’s plan for your life. You have time to go on a mission trip. The list goes on.
So, if you’re a single Christian and struggling with thinking the perfect guy or girl doesn’t exist, don’t worry; they don’t (because no one is perfect). But God does have a plan for you and your future significant other.
Don’t sell yourself short. Don’t chase after a guy or girl just because everyone else has someone. If you do, you will be missing out on a love that “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)
That special someone could be going through a rough patch in their life, and God knows that if you were to meet him or her, you might not like them. God is the master matchmaker, and He knows the heart of every person.
You may be ready to meet your future spouse, but they may not be ready to know you. They might not know what it means to truly love a person like depicted in 1 Corinthians 13, also known as the love chapter. Here Paul explains what love is. “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud,” and it continues on from there. It’s also important to remember not to rush love.
Think of love as a flame. Many are in a hurry to start a fire that they pour as much kerosene on the wood as they can to get the fire going. However, the flames are large but go out quickly. Now, if you pour a bit of kerosene on the wood, take your time, and let the flames burn slowly, then the fire will last through the night. Consider this verse from Song of Solomon 8:4, “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” So take your time!
To the church, I encourage you to value your single Christians and show that single Christians don’t have to be married to be of use and have value. Being a single Christian is not a curse. In a way, it’s a gift. There’s time to focus on God and bettering ourselves. I hope that you know that God does have a plan for your life (Jeremiah 29:11) and to enjoy this season.